I won't paint you a pretty picture, because my life up until a year ago wasn't. Sure I had good and bad times. The good was good, the bad was bad... very bad. Before I had weight loss surgery I was a very miserable person. I had low self-esteem and low self-worth. Some people would treat me indifferently, rudely and I felt and looked ugly. Though I knew my husband loved me, I felt "unlovable."
Every day was a battle because I had several health conditions directly related to my being a heavy woman, partly from my genetic make up. I had chronic high blood pressure, hypothyroid, a strong family history for developing Diabetes.My knees hurt from the weight I carried, they both had been operated on. I was short of breath most all the time from the exertion of toting around the extra weight. Depression was my constant friend, at the times of my lowest moments, I thought I would be better off... dead. I was THAT miserable.Looking into the mirror I saw myself as nice looking, the bigness of me overshadowed that.
The years had come and gone of trying to use one weight loss program after another, nothing had worked, it was a losing battle. I desperately sought approval several times from a family member, all I received was the pain of "mentally" being knocked down, the message was clear, I deserved no love unless I was thin. Where was I to turn? Food was my quick fix, it was my comfort food. It was easier to submerge myself into cookies, chips or chocolate to relieve the loneliness I felt. The fact that I was a talented photographer and writer didn't mean a whole lot then, most people wouldn't take me seriously because I was overweight. The bigger me, smiled on the outside and cried on the inside. I knew things were missing from my life and being fatigued all the time only added to my depression.
(1st post of blog Fat Kat)
Photo: *Copyright 2009 Melanie Calvert Benton
*Photo shows me at almost 300 pounds, August 6, 2009
So glad you are healthy and have improved your life!
ReplyDeleteAs your husband, I'm very proud of how far you've come and it has not been an easy tail you walk. Even with surgery, patients must change their way of thinking and lifestyle, which is not easy. The side issues from surgery are many, some severe and some not, but must be faced day-by-day, or the operation will not work as planned. Keep you chin up, walk proudly, and continue your efforts to help others. Your cause is just.
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